Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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