After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize