I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
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this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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