i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
