The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
