I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
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I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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