Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
where am i from again
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
