dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
