lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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