Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The best revenge is premature balding
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
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you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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