What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize