I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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