I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize