Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
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On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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