Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
