Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i don't like sucking hair
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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