Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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