nut hugger
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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