Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
