She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
