I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
