Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
