I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
