...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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