I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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