i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize