you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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