I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
