never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
