Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
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i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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