I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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