He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
