I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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