I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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