Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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