i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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