Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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