i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
