i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
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Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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