Pants 0. Shit 1.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
