if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
