I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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