and she was petting her beer can
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
