Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
