He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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