Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
