Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
