if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
