remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize