The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
