It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
